Long Awaited Christmas Disaster?


My ever-loving aunt, who has paunch in all the right places and is generally the figure of growing old in the most beautiful, maternal way, while still not gaining the social insight into to people and life in generally that allegedly comes with age, got very ill today. Not in the way that prompts a Lifetime special or violins, but in the way that cancels Christmas dinner at her house and causes her to, round-a-boutly, break her ankle. Characteristically, she's angry, and can't get a brace until tomorrow when the bone-doc is on call. My sympathy goes to her, but I'm upset that Christmas was summarily stricken from the book of holidays this year - I actually wanted to see the extended tribe. This year, for the first time in Rudinski family history, I was slated to be treated like an adult. This chance is all but shot to hell, and now I'll have to start over at Easter.

Damn my selfish desires.

But also, the promised photos from my Color final. The series is titled "Happy Birthday to Me" and I'm not going to make an artist's statement.

Hiatus: Over!

I saw a Hummer wrapped in Christmas lights on the Parkway today. They blinked. I felt as though I was caught in some surreal time-warp back to last year, when driving a Hummer was a sign of asshattery, rather than just being out of step with the times.

But this has been the general theme of New Jersey. It feels like another universe, a complete separate culture. How is it that the space of a river changes the way people behave so drastically? Perhaps the world is more community driven than I've realized. Or maybe it's just the quirks.

Shot a whole roll of 120 VC backwards today. I actually managed to load it into the camera the wrong way round. The combination of disappointment and aggravation always makes me laugh.

ALSO! On the way to Morristown, there was a State Trooper casually weaving back and forth across 287 for about a mile, busting out all of 35 mph. He was the drunken shepard, and we were his flock, curiously following and wondering if on this serpentine swipe he just might, maybe, careen into the gaurd rail. And how magical would that be. Yet, when he finally stopped swerving at an arbitrary point, but did not accelerate, we all stayed behind him, wondering if passing him would incur his municpal wrath. Who knows, with Staties. They've got some superiority complex that only comes from years of being treated badly.

I heard Santa Baby three times today, by accident. I'm really praying it doesn't happen again.

Photos from my Color final tomorrow.

Week of Food!

Whoever is tagging "Pony Boy" gets two hundred points.

Thanksgiving was somewhat mundane, as it always is. The family is flat, not of us really want to see each other, we all get a bit tipped and eat way to much. It's a strange, very American sort of holiday, I think.

But more to the point: I threw my own pre-Thanksgiving, yet again, and it was one of the greatest successes it's ever been. Almost everyone I cared about was there. No one did anything hurtful. Despite the turkey, which was covered in bacon, setting off a minor smoke bomb in the kitchen that lead to temporary blindness and my drunken conviction that I had, much to my mother's chagrin, finally set the house on fire. However, it turned out perfectly, despite all odds against it.

And I actually felt wonderful, to see us all there, surrounding a table. It was the most Norman Rockwell of moments, the actual purpose of a holiday like this, made real rather than obligatory. And for once it felt satisfying to participate in a holiday, a tradition, because we had made it our own and made it mean something.

And there, over the turkey, we sang "Day Man." Completely spontaneously.

We are all together in this, I realized, as much as we are apart. We cannot escape each other if we wanted to, and though we may not be holding hands and facing the world, we are cheek to jowl, glaring into the distance and wondering what the hell is up ahead.