Reasons I Know I'm Getting Older

2.13.2009
1. I prefer cranberry juice over other juice/fruit drink options.
2. I feel vaguely guilty when I download pirated movies.
3. I no longer cringe when I hear Journey/Bruce Springsteen/Rush.
4. The word most often used to describe my day is "frustrating."
5. When getting out of a good chair, I sometimes groan.
5a. Chairs and the larger wold of sitting have become more appealing.
6. I stay inside when it's cold.
7. Nineteen-year-olds seem frivolous in their extravagant lifestyle choices.
7a. I use the phrase "lifestyle choices."
8. The Atlantic is my favorite magazine.
9. I like waking up early in the morning and getting to bed at a "reasonable hour."
10. Plaid is my favorite color.
11. I will not buy or drink Popov, Vlad's, Ezra Brooks or any variety of liquor that costs less than ten dollars per fifth.
11a. Nor Kool-Aid is an acceptable mixer.
11b. Nor is a 5 gallon Rubbermaid container an acceptable punch bowl.
11c. Nor is a red Solo cup an acceptable goblet.
12. People call me "mister" when I'm dressed nicely.
13. Some Saturday nights, I stay in and make collages.
14. I neatly fold my clean laundry.
14a. I do laundry more than once a month.
15. I appreciate 60 Minutes.
16. There are four cardigans in my closet right now.
17. Feeding squirrels stale bread is an acceptable way to spend an afternoon.
18. When driving, I leave my right blinker on for miles.
19. Crosswords are the bomb.
20. My tweed blazer has elbow patches.

2 comments:

fakefraud said...

Cross words are the bomb, not crossword puzzles. Getting across some Cross Words at some punks as they rummage through your garbage for free junk you just through out because your cat told you to get rid of that old coat and dumb beret and ragged bloody organ should not be reason for them to fucking rummage!

Aye, I'm already old, talking to cats.

surreaLies said...

I actually make my bed.
I choose masturbation and a good night's sleep to a one-night-stand and sub-par sex.